iSueEllen

SITE NO LONGER ACTIVE

2011-12-13T18:46:00.001-08:00

I have moved my site to www.isueellen.com
please go there for recent posts and updates

Family Relationships

2011-12-10T12:24:00.001-08:00

Originally posted HERE

Preface

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When I first came back to my home town, I was filled with this 'beginner' kind of excitement. When you get all pumped up and keep saying, "This is going to be easy."

The first few weeks back in Eureka were like a slap in my face. I started thinking that maybe the 'hometown mentality' was true. Maybe we can't be effective in the places where we grew up.

But in spite of the initial hard stuff, I decided I was going to persevere and make a difference no matter what. I'm a daughter of God, so there's not much else I can do right?

So naturally, I decided to start in the two "hardest" areas. My home/family, and my work place. I've posted quite a bit in older posts about work, and how much has been happening there, but I realized I haven't really posted anything about my family stuff.

Growing up, I had absolutely no relationship with my Dad, almost none with my mom, and I wasn't very close to my brothers and sisters. Since I got my new life, and new identity, I had been struggling at learning how to rebuild my family relationships. I realize that this is a very common situation, and so I want to provide some practical stuff to help

So this post is what I've been learning. The good and the bad. The hard stuff and the victories.
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The thing about coming back to your *home-town is that, no matter how much you've changed while you were gone, or how much of a different person you are now, the people still remember you as you were when you left. This is why it's so much easier to start over in a new place. You have no past identity that people remember you by, so you can start over. In your home town, you can start over personally, but in most people's minds, it will take longer for them to fully realize that you're a different person.

This is what I ran into with not only my family, but my friends, my old church, my old co-workers, etc. Of course everyone was always telling me I was different. I looked differently, acted differently. Yet their actions towards me were directed towards the old SueEllen. The one that had died.

The main challenge that I faced was that because everyone expected me to be the 'dead SueEllen', and directed their actions, words, and feelings towards that old person, there was a part of me that wanted to respond out of my old identity, and agree with what they were saying/doing. But I realized that the only way that they would believe that I was a new person, was if I always lived out of my new identity. I didn't have to prove anything to myself, or to God, but in their eyes they needed proof that I was a new person.

There is a danger here of living out of a need to prove yourself. The answer to this is to realize that you don't have to prove your identity. I'm SueEllen. My name is love, grace, truth and freedom. No one can tell me differently, because that's my identity. I don't have to prove that to anyone. However, I do have to live out of this identity on a consistent basis and not let myself slip back into the lies of who I used to be. Living out your new identity on a consistent basis is how you change your 'reputation' and how people remember you.

Family

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They are the people you grew up with. The ones who raised you (or you raised them), and they are the ones with the most ingrained memories of you. They know exactly how to press your buttons, they know all your faults and good sides. They're also the ones you'll most likely spend a lot of your time with, because they're inevitably in your life, like it or not.

My family's memories and knowledge of me included the old me. They remembered the angry SueEllen, the person who would go on angry rampages. The old depressed version, the silent version, the unapproachable version. So for them to realize that I was no longer that person, I had to spend time consistently building relationship. I have an amazing family, but even so, when I came home I felt the need to prove myself to them. Prove that I really had changed and that I was a new person. This proved increasingly frustrating for me, because the more I tried to prove myself, the more I seemed to mess up, so the more frustrated I got. I would be doing good for a while, and then one of them would press my buttons again and I would revert back to my old habits and reactions.

And then I realized what I was doing. I was trying to prove my identity. When you try to prove something, this indicates that there is still some doubt, and so you feel the need to prove it. When I realized this, I made a choice to stop, because I knew who I was. My identity was sure. All I had to do was simply live as who I was and who I was created to be, and that would be all the proof that was needed.

I stopped focusing on proving myself, and started focusing on how I could relate to my family members more. I realized that I had no idea how to communicate to most of them. (I'm sure many of you can relate to this) I also realized that I had been holding on to the idea that I had a 'right' to be respected and treated in a certain way by my family. I made a mental choice to drop my expectations, because I wanted to simply love my family, without requiring anything from them in return. This was a practice that I have to actively decide to do every day.

There were simple things. Things like realizing that my sister loved small gifts, and felt extremely special if I spent time to play a game with her or read her a story. My mom felt especially loved when she came home to a clean house, the dishes washed and the laundry done. My brothers loved it when I did activities with them, or played games or went on adventures. My dad just wanted respect, and to a chance to hang out with me or talk to me.

The way I discovered these things were mainly by trial and error. I "studied" the members of my family, and started noticing what they liked and didn't like. Their interests, and dislikes. This hugely helped me in learning how to relate to them. For instance: I have no natural interest in model airplanes, and crafts and hobbies of that kind. However, my Dad loves them, so I learned why he loved it, and it helped me be a little interested in it and engage in what he loves. It doesn't work to simply remove yourself from situation by saying, "Thats really not my thing." At times it genuinely isn't, but sometimes you have to at least learn to appreciate why they like it, so that you can relate to them more.

Once I realized what they wanted and needed, I started going out of my way to provide this. A lot of times it meant going out of my comfort zone, or putting my pride away and being the first to give more than expected. At times it meant saying, "You're right..." even when I thought I was right. But in the end, it meant that I have relationships that are so much stronger, because I dared to go first.

There were times when it was extremely hard. In the past few months I've had times when I felt more defeated than almost any time in my life. I spent more time crying and praying in my bedroom than I can remember. But I made a promise that to the absolute best of my ability, I would keep my struggles between me and God, in my bedroom. When I walked out of my bedroom, it was the intent to further my relationships, and love on my family.

I've had my slip-ups, where I momentarily reverted back to my old habits. But the difference is, I realize it, make it right, and forget about it. It's a day to day choice to live in your new man.

I made conscious decisions that I would only see the best in my family. I knew that they loved me, so I chose to see their hearts behind everything they did.

I'm not going to tell you that it's easy. Family is undeniably one of the harder areas to do this, but I wanted to post this to prove it's possible. It takes a lot of personal integrity. Lots of choices that put you into uncomfortable places, and might not seem 'fair' sometimes. But this is why we are who we are. We weren't promised comfort, we were promised life, and life abundantly. Changing your family situations is the truest test of whether you truly believe you're dead to your flesh and old identity. It's be best training ground I've been in yet.

I challenge you to look at your family relationships and if you dare, change things.

A few Scriptures that coincide with this post:

Romans 6:6 - old man is dead
Col 3:10 - put on the new man
Col 3:23 - don't do things to prove yourself
1 Cor. 2:16 - we have the mind of Christ
1 John 13:34 - love one another
Eph 6:2 -(honoring doesn't mean 'obeying' or doing what they say, it simply means to place a value on them, and consider them valuable.)

* hometown can stand for your past, or simply your life before you were saved/started living in your new identity.

Dead People Done Died

2011-11-12T19:59:00.003-08:00

(Some random, short notes on Romans from my journal.)

…we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter. (Romans 7:6)

When you served under the law, you were always fighting to keep your sin nature under control. Why? Because you weren’t dead to sin, so you had to have a ton of laws to keep those desires abated.

You had to have stop signs at every corner, warning you where not to go. Caution signs hung up over doors. The law kept a lock on every door, no matter if you had a desire to enter or not. And if you broke the law, there was condemnation.
So all of a sudden, “Oh crap. You just opened that door.” “Oh no you didn’t! You know you’re doomed now.”

This is why preachers are constantly urging people to “Come to the altar. Remind God that you’re actually a good person. Cleanse your conscience.” Because the law requires us to apologize profusely for opening that door, crossing that line, or ‘going there’.

Thats why we’re free of the law. Because dead people done died :D

Freedom is in realizing that you no longer have a desire to ‘open that door’ or ‘go there’
Freedom is in realizing that you’re love. And love, loves to love, unconditionally, which…requires no law.

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Romans 3:20-22 …the law is the knowledge of sin.
But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe…
* Notice that this doesn’t say the law doesn’t exist anymore. It does exist for those who choose to live under it. However, there’s another, better choice to those who want to choose it. And it’s the righteousness of God.

2 Timothy 2:4

2011-11-12T19:59:00.001-08:00

Originally posted on my Tumblr here

No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs
of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. - 2 Timothy 2:4

Warfare (stratevo)
1) To make a military expedition, to lead soldiers to war or to battle. Spoken of as a commander.
2) To do military duty, to be on active service, to be a soldier.
3) To Fight

Affairs of this life (pragmatia)
1) prosecution of any affair
a) business, occupation
* literally the opposite of ‘warfare’

“Him who enlisted him” ie. the recruiter (stratologeo)
1) to gather/collect an army, to enlist soldiers
a) spoken of as a commander

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Just a random notes that I noticed in this verse:

I’ve heard this verse used in ways that spoke of the warfare as ‘prayer and fasting’ as warfare, etc. So it was a bit interesting to see how literally it means warfare. And also interesting that the word for ‘affairs’, when looked up in the original translation, means almost literally, ‘the opposite of actual warfare’.

The other thing that stood out to me was that both the person who was recruited, and the person referred to as having done the recruiting, are both spoken of as being in the same rank.
Normally the recruiting would be done by someone of a higher ranking, and the new recruit would be a trainee, or soldier at the highest. So it was cool that the new recruit was referred to as a commander, same as the recruiter.

Young and Unafraid

2011-11-12T19:58:00.001-08:00

Originally posted here

I was thinking about this story today, so I thought I’d write it out and share it, because it lights me on fire every time haha.

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When I was born, I was born in Michigan, but we moved to Montana when I was 2 years old.
Every year, our family would take the train back to Michigan to see our relatives, and I would get to hang out with my little friends.
I had one cousin that I was really close to. She was the closest to my age, and we always thought alike and understood each other. Her name was Dorothy :)

I think it started around age 8 or 9, when we first started talking about God. But the discussions got serious around ages 10 and 11.
Thinking back I can still see us, huddled on her bed in her room, surrounded by the violet colors that she so loved, discussing God in hushed whispers because we didn’t want her parents to find out.
We both had so many questions, and not a lot of answers. But one thing we both knew for certain was that there had to be more than what we were being taught. More than the God that struck fear in us when He was preached about. More than the German language that we could hardly understand. More than fear. There had to be.
I can still feel the urgency clutching at my stomach, choking at my throat as we prayed, desperately trying to find more of this God. We would sit in her room, crying, praying, searching.
We were only 11 years old.

At age 13 or 14, her parents found out.

Now, you have to understand that in the Amish culture, God is usually used as a means of control. To actually read the Bible meant that you were proud. To seek wisdom meant that you were no longer humble. To search for more meant that you weren’t satisfied. And none of these were good things.
When Dorothy’s parents found out that we were starting to learn about God, they decided I was a very bad influence, and that although we were still allowed to hang out, we were rarely allowed out of sight, and usually monitored.
Once in a while though, we found a chance to slip back up into her room, or more frequently, in the loft of the barn. There, in the hay, overlooking the fields and woods, we would once again talk about God, and what we’d been learning about him.

I think it was the year we turned 16 that it turned bad.
Dorothy began questioning the Amish beliefs about God, which by then I was free to do, because we’d left the Amish several years before. Dorothy, who was still in the Amish, wasn’t as free to be open in her new beliefs as I was.
However, when she began to question the religion and insert ideas about relationship with God, her parents decided that I was definitely completely evil, and all contact with Dorothy was severed.

I didn’t get to talk to Dorothy for years. Even when we turned 18, and I heard she left the Amish, I had no way to contact her, and didn’t know where she had went.

This past year, I got to not only reconnect with her on Facebook, but she came out for my brother’s wedding.
We spent quite a while talking about the old days when we used to talk about God, and began to realize just how foundational that had been in our beliefs and our relationship with God.
So amazing how, as young girls we were so determined to find out who God is. And now, years later, we are both reconnected, and we both absolutely love God haha.

I’m just realize how GOOD God is.
Anyways. I love her. She’s the most amazing cousin ever. And I’m so excited at how God works things out, and all those hours that were spent in secret, made such a difference in our lives today. :)

...because I'm alive.

2011-11-12T19:57:00.001-08:00

Originally posted here

So, someone from work asked me the other day when I started loving God. I had never had it asked to me like that before, so I had to actually go back to when I first realized I loved God.
I’ve never told this story before, and it’s a little intense, so…here goes.

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As a really young kid, revival meetings started happening in the small amish community that I grew up in. For a few months, these meetings would happen in the middle of the night, baptisms would be made for people, where they would go outside in the dead of winter, break the ice on the river, and baptize the people. We were literally like the ‘underground’ churches, holding meetings at night so that the head ‘authorities’ of the church wouldn’t find out.

One of my most vivid memories of these meetings was at one meeting held at a house, it was early morning I think, the meeting had been going all night, and they were singing songs. They started one song that went “This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made…I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it…”

There was this one guy who was waving his hands in the air, laughing and singing this song. As an amish kid, this was awe-inspiring. I watched him the entire song. I then proceeded to ask him why he would do that (my young mind couldn’t quite grasp that.) He told me that he was just so happy to be alive. It wasn’t just the day that the Lord had made, it was the day that the Lord had made, and he was alive to live in it. He told me about how God loved us, loved us simply because we were alive.

What I didn’t know at that time, was that this man was dying of cancer. In later memories, I remember the entire community staying up for entire nights at a time, praying for his healing. He passed away around the same time that the ‘revival’ ended.

But years later, at the age of 15, I was huddled in a corner of our bathroom, sometime in the middle of the night, paralyzed by the ‘voices in my head’ and the illusions. ( I didn’t yet know, or want to know about demons) Up to that point, my only escape out of the ‘illusions’, (which, although hard to explain was actually just demons laughing at me, and the feelings of suffocation,) was to cut myself, and then they would stop. For a while.

But finally, at 15, while I was sitting there in that corner, in the middle of one of these illusions, somehow I remembered Matthew, and I remembered how he had been so alive. I remembered his face lighting up when he was telling me about how God had created each day, and why he was so excited to live in those days that were created for him. In that moment I decided, “No, I’m alive.”

That was the first time I became fully aware that Satan existed for one purpose: to take my life. And God existed for one reason: because He loved me. In that moment, holding a knife in my hand and crying because I had decided I would choose death instead of dealing with the paranoia and illusions anymore, I realized that God loved me.

I had been going to church for years. Technically, I knew that God loved me. But the love that had been taught had usually been tempered with conditions and threats, and ended with altar calls, so that you could get rid of all the baggage in order for Jesus to love you.

The love that Matthew had shown me, years and years before, had been unconditional. He was just, happy. For no reason, except that he was alive, and God loved him.
I hadn’t thought of that for years, but somehow it came back to me then, and it literally saved my life. The simpleness of it. The simple love that God had. “You’re alive. I love you.”

I haven’t dealt with any “illusions” or paranoia since that night. That was also the night that I began to love God. I don’t care if people tell me that I was a christian before that, or that I had been going to church. I had never actually loved God. It wasn’t until the night that I realized He loved me, for no reason and with no conditions, that I actually began loving Him.

So now when people ask me why…
Why do you do the things you do? Why do you keep going after some of that crap? Why do you love? Why do you approach people? Why are you you? Why?
My answer is : “Because I’m alive.”
As long as I’m alive, I have no excuse. I am left with one option, and that option is to live. And to live is to love, and to love is life.

Sue and the Mac

2011-10-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

Hey guys :D

My laptop broke down a few months ago, and I haven't been able to get a new one.
I am hoping to be able to do some recording, more writing, etc. I've been working from
a desktop for the past few months, and haven't been able to do much with it.
So I'm planning on getting a Mac.

If anyone wants to help out, that would be amazing :D

Mac Fund: Currently Raised $0
Goal : $1000

Value

2011-10-07T19:37:00.000-07:00

What makes you feel noticed, recognized, and appreciated...in short, how do you determine your value?
Regardless of your story, or how you ended up being who you are today, the question is: 'Do you like who you've become? And if you don't, what are you going to do to change it?

Growing up, my value was hugely based off of the people around me. Certain experiences and situations that had happened early on set my mindset that my value was obviously low, and therefore even when people would tell me how awesome I was, or that I was pretty or anything in those lines, I would wave it off as 'they're just being nice' because I was already convinced of my value, and in my opinion, it was pretty low.

Even after I started realizing who God was, and what He had done for me, I was still not sure that I was valuable enough to have anyone compliment me, or do anything for me, so I tended to distance myself from people a lot.

I remember the first time I began to catch a glimpse of how precious I was. It was a Wednesday night, in a tiny trailer, with a group of amazing young people. My best friend had just gotten done speaking on how intensely amazing girls are, and how God sees them, and a few of the guys had stood up and apologized for men in general, and all of a sudden I started crying. (At that time in my life, I absolutely HATED crying. I wouldn't cry in front of anybody.) But for some reason, I sat against the wall and just cried. When people asked me what was wrong, I couldn't even tell them...all I knew was that I had caught a glimpse of how valuable I was. The fact that God didn't just see me as a slave that He ordered around, that He actually saw me as a beautiful daughter, who He loved to hang out with...well, I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just cried. Up to that point, my entire knowledge of value was that it was based off of what I did, and not who I was. The realization that I didn't have to perform anymore to be considered worth it, began setting me free.

In order to understand value, you have to realize who you are.

Value is based off of who you are, not what you do or what you have done. It's not based off of what people have said or done to you, or any past circumstances or situations.

Your value has already been set, from the second you were born, and it is irrefutable. Nothing you can do, and nothing that is done to you can undermine the value that has already been set for you. The only obstacle is your own ability to see and realize it, and then live it out.We need to be able to separate the definition of value from everything outside of it, and define it for what it actually is.

For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,
when I was made in secret, and skillfully

                wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
                Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all
                were written, the days fashioned for me,
when as yet there were none of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them,
they would be more in number than the sand...
(Psalms 139:13-18)

    For me, the true meaning of value comes into play in the last three verses.

    ...in Your books they were all written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them (days).
    How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! If I should could count them, they would be more in number than the sand...

   Your value was established before the earth was established. Before the days were made, they were already planned to be made for you. Your value is so great, that God thinks about you, not just all the time, but in a quantity of thoughts so immense that they're more than the grains of sand in a beach...and, if you've ever tried to count the sand on any beach, you'll know that's pretty dang impossible.

    So what all this is saying is this: Your value is not something you make for yourself. It's not something you control, or that can be controlled. Your value is so intensely important to God, that He made it completely incorruptible. Your value is based off of your position as His daughter. Not as your ability to portray a daughter, or even your desire to be a perfect daughter, but simply the fact that you are a daughter.

    Ok, so now that we've established the base of what value is, lets move on to a common issue.
    The majority of girls and women find their value base in the men around them.
    The reasoning behind this: Every single girl on the face of the planet, has had defining moments in their lives that have helped determine their definition of value. For a lot of girls, it's had something to do with their Dad's, or at least involved their parents. Sometimes it's anything from siblings, relatives and friends, to random strangers and chance circumstances. But the vast majority involves the sense of value initially being determined by men.

Personally, my base of value was definitely established in the men around me (although I would never have admitted it). If one of my guy friends, or one of my brothers made a remark that came against my value or my sense of worth, I would be heartbroken. If my worth wasn't spelled out in what they said, the way they treated me, and their actions, then obviously I was messing up, not worth it, and stupid.
As I began realizing more and more who I was, and my identity in God, I slowly began realizing my value was simply based in God, and who I was. But I still found myself reacting strongly to the way that people treated me, or what they said. If they were in a bad mood, it was probably my fault. If they said something in a tone of voice that could be interpreted as angry or upset, then I must have done something to hurt them. I would tiptoe around people, trying to make sure I didn't annoy or irritate anyone, because if they didn't see me as 'amazing' or 'valuable', then I had more trouble seeing it as well.

The value thing fully clicked for me one day when I was in Africa, hanging out with some of my best guy friends, and a small thing happened where I ended up getting offended at something that was said (so small I don't even remember what it was anymore), and I was sitting in my room, feeling sorry for myself and wanting to cry. I decided that I didn't want to deal with that anymore and began to try and figure out the answer to the problem. I sat in my room for quite a while, going over the situation, and talking to God about it, when suddenly it clicked in my head. "Dude. It's not about me."
Come on. This will set you free!
"It's not about me."

     After I had realized that point, I started asking myself; Why do I react so strongly to the actions of these guys?
     These were amazing guys, so they did actually value me, and always treated me like a princess. But without realizing it, I had set an expectation on them to always make me feel valued and treasured. Because of this expectation, the second they did something that didn't quite make me feel as valued, I was hurt, because they had just failed to live up to my internal expectation for them.

   I realized that I had this expectation for them, and so the need to drop the expectations became clear. 1 Cor 13 talks about what love is, (so I would encourage you to read it again, even though you've probably read it multiple times in your life already). Love does not parade itself...does not seek it's own. Once you begin simply loving without expectations, you'll begin to realize just how fun and free it is, when your value is no longer based off of someones opinion or treatment of you.

   When I set myself free from getting my sense of value from the men around me, it set them free as well. Now they didn't have to worry about accidently stepping outside of valuing me, because now there was no expectation for that. Then it becomes a lot more simple, because it's no longer their duty to provide value and worth, it's just freedom. It's not about you!

I know what you're thinking. 'Sure, this applies to the guys around you who you're close to. But what about the random jerks who randomly insult your, or hurl disgusting innuendo's your way?'

Yes, even then! There was most definitely never an expectation on random strangers to make you feel valued, so they can't even affect your value! And because they're not someone close to you, they can't even be expected to want to value you. Love holds absolutely NO expectations! Every single guy in the entire world is a potential son of God. They are loved by Him just as much as you are loved by Him. So even if you find it extremely hard to feel anything even close to love for a person, they are still valued and loved by God. It doesn't mean that you have to interact or say anything, but it does mean that you drop expectation, and live in freedom yourself

What if someone hurts you intentionally? Here's where it might get harder, but the answer remains the same. Love still holds no expectations, so when someone hurts you, yes it hurts, but you were never holding an expectation for them to treat you a certain way, so your love doesn't change, and your hurt isn't directed towards them. This is where choice comes in, and you choose to say "I hold no expectation, I love you for you." And if you don't know them, and you don't want to say ( even in your head ) that you love them, then the answer still goes something like this, "You're still a son/daughter of God, and I choose to set you free from meeting any expectation that I could have put on you."

It's all choice. Sometimes it's easy choice, because you can easily love someone, without hardly trying. Sometimes it's gritty, bloody, battlefield choice...because it freaking hurts to choose to give them freedom when it seems like they're attempting to take yours. But it's still choice, and it's yours to make.

Freedom Key 1: Guys are just as valuable as you. Their value isn't based off of you, it's based off of who they are. They are sons of God, and the same God who unconditionally loves you, unconditionally loves them, no exceptions.

Freedom Key 2: Not only is it not fair for you to find your value in the men around you, but it's not fair for them either.

Freedom Key 3: You realize your value, when you begin realizing the value in the people around you. (Many people would argue that you have to figure out your value first, before you can fully realize the value of the people around you. While this might be true to a certain extent, you can choose to see the value in the people around you, and this in return will begin setting you free to see just how valuable you are as well.)

Final Freedom Key: Your value is already set. Regardless of what you or others do. That's freedom.

Free people, free people. Set yourself free.

So yes. Your entire definition of value has to change. You're no longer finding it in the people around you. You are who you are. Valuable, precious, loved, unconditionally, no expectations. It's not what you've done, it's who you are. It's not your relationships, it's your identity. It's not what others have done, it's what God has already done.

Drop the past, lose expectations, live in the present. Realize the value you already have, how worth it you already are, and the value in the people around you.

2011-09-08T23:04:00.001-07:00

Today I was cleaning and I had my ipod in, like I normally do when I’m cleaning. Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of sermons/podcasts, so I turned on some music for a change. This song “Revenge” by Jon Foreman came up, and I listened to it for a while, and decided I didn’t like it because it was depressing. Just as I was going to switch the song, these lines came up…

”...that’s when the irony hit me
That this was revenge,
That love had descended
And stolen our pain away”

And then the song got depressing again, so I switched it anyways lol..
But those lines stayed stuck in my head, and I started thinking about it.

Remember that verse that everyone always quotes when they get mad at people, but they know that they aren’t supposed to do anything bad at them. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve heard it a lot.

”Beloved, Do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay”, says the Lord.” - Romans 12:19

So here I am, cleaning…and I’m thinking.
‘Hold on…the picture I always had when I thought of this verse, was that I wasn’t supposed to get mad at someone, but God would kick their a**, and I would do the little happy dance, cause they’re getting what they deserve.’
But, if our battle isn’t against flesh and blood, then obviously that won’t happen. And besides, God is love. So, maybe this verse means something else.

So I researched it a little more.
And, here’s what I found.

The version of the word “vengeance” that is used here, actually means:
‘To vindicate one from wrongs, to accomplish the avenging of…
associated with requital…
The act of requiting, a return or reward for service or kindness
And used with a sense of vindication,
To clear, as from an accusation, imputation, suspicion, or the like
To afford justification for.

And, check this out. The word repay here, is the good kind! Used in a good sense, to repay/requite.

So yeah, as much as we want God to kick people’s butts sometimes, the only revenge and vengeance that He does, is love.
Our God wins again :D As always.

P.S.
The verses after that one, verses 20 and 21, actually make it pretty clear, if people would see them :))
…If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in doing so, you will be heaping
coals of fire on his head. ( and no, this is NOT a violent/hurtful act of burning them!)
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:20-21)

Do You Speak Christianese?

2011-09-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

I wanted to address these two common 'issues' I run into quite a bit :D
So, here's another super practical post haha.

* Speak effectively without using "Christianese" - (haha) This is actually a pretty huge one, and a very common one.

Are you able to carry on a conversation with a non-christian without feeling uncomfortable, or feeling the need to bring Jesus, God, or Christianity into the conversation? (not that any of that is wrong), however, if you can't...then it's probably time to start practicing.

Talking with a friend the other day, she mentioned the fact that it irritated her that she couldn't talk to any of her Christian friends without them bringing up Jesus/God, church, or some other form of their Christianity. Otherwise, she said, the conversation would be stinted, or stop all together.

This, my friends, is pretty dang sad. So, if that's you, I'd recommend that we start working on this as soon as possible :D

If you have to practice with your mirror, your cat/dog, your siblings, your parents, your friends, or co-workers... I don't care. But this is a must :) We, as efficient and effective people, should be able to carry on a pleasant, normal, stimulating, life-bringing conversation, without having to use the name Jesus/God, the words 'church', 'Bible', 'prayer', worship', etc.

* What is your vision/what are you passionate about? - I've found that I tend to ask people this question, and with the majority of people I get the same response: "Uhhhh, I'm not sure..."

Honestly, I don't care if you're passionate about washing dishes, painting, hiking...healing people, doing ministry, whatever... I just want to know what you're passionate about.

This is hugely based on identity. Once you've started solving your identity issues, and begin realizing who you are in Christ, you'll begin realizing what your vision is, and what you're passionate about.

The reason this is important, is because unless you have a vision, a goal, or a passion...then everything you do tends to end up a little bit on the aimless side. You might still be helping people and doing good, but you'll find that you keep ending up wondering where to go next, or 'how the heck did I get here?' This is due to not having any clue where you're going in the first place.

So, super practical. Write down a vision. A personal sheet of goals, passions, vision, and what you want to see happen. It's actually better if you have one that you don't show people, and is just for yourself, to keep yourself on track, and motivated.
( I update mine every month, because it tends to change and progress quickly. )

Work Ethic

2011-09-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

I know for a lot of people who do ministry all the time, and live the kingdom as lifestyle...one of the issues/questions that come up a lot is work. I have friends who have decided to do ministry completely full time, and not work a 'regular job', and I also have friends who have decided to work jobs while doing ministry.
I personally have done both. And while I loved the time freedom that came along with not working a job, I've always loved working at a job because of the relationships I create there. (Currently I'm working) I have successfully worked jobs in the past, created work relationships, and set people free in work situations, so I thought it's probably time to write a post on it. :D

So, this is going to be a super practical post on how to be successful in your job/work area.

#1. Initial Commitment: First, you have to make up your mind whether or not you actually want to work or not. Because if you don't want to work a job, then don't. However, if you're going to, or for some reason, have to, then make up your mind that you want to work. This will make it easier on you, and on your co-workers. haha.

#2. Follow the rules: Come on! Just because you're cool, full of the Holy Spirit, and a son/daughter of God, you do not have more of a right to bend the rules than anyone else does! If you're going to work, then respect your work authority.
This is natural authority, and yes, you have to listen. This is a respect thing, and another way that shows you care!

#3. Build relationships: (this is one of the most important things!) I'm not saying you have to put on a show or something and get people to like you.
However, far too often, I've heard of people who start a job, and they say "I'm going to spread Jesus at my work, and if they don't like it, they can kick me out."

If you want to go in and heal people day one, then that's up to you. Totally awesome. However, a surprising amount of people have already had people try to shove Jesus up their noses in nauseating amounts. Believe me when I say that the last thing they want to hear, is you preaching to them. There are definitely exceptions, and these aren't "rules" that you have to follow. I've prayed for people my first day at jobs, and it went awesome. But don't try to force stuff, just flow with opportunities.

Now, back to building relationships: The most effective tool, is to simply become friends with the people. I mean, come on. Everyone wants more friends (mostly). You have to invest in your work relationships, much in the same way that you have to invest in your 'regular' relationships with friends and family.

Don't walk in to work with the attitude of "I'll do as I think I should", and then assume that any negative reaction is persecution. No, it's just the fact that they perceive you as an insensitive person.

I've had my fair share of 'not so good' work situations. Sometimes, a person simply doesn't like you, for almost no reason. However, if it seems like most of the people don't like you...consider the fact that maybe it's not them, and maybe it's you. (Tough truth perhaps, but truth non-the-less)

#4.Love them!: Once you genuinely love them (even if they tend to be jerks), it makes it a lot easier for you. Once it's about them, instead of about you...once it's about helping people instead of getting a paycheck, then a lot changes. (Caution: If you're simply at work for the paycheck, then there's something wrong already.)
Believe me when I say, people can tell when you genuinely care about them. It's a loteasier to work with people who know you care!!

#5. Range of Movement Increases: Once you build up relationships, and make friends...this now gives you the freedom to "experiment" a little bit more, and push the borders a bit.
If you try to experiment without creating a foundation of relationship first, then a lot of times they'll get upset, and you'll simply have to work harder at having them actually like you.
Hint: If they actually like you, the rest is a lot simpler.
Remember, they have to work with you, and live with you for however long you're in the same store/work area.

#6. Love and Respect Returned: The only way you get here, is if you've already established that you care and love the people, and you've taken the time to build relationships. (You also have to consistently do well at your job. Shoot for excellence in every aspect!)

I have successfully done this in several jobs, so I definitely know it can be done, and it doesn't have to take forever to do.

This is the point where people will start coming to you for advice, for answers, for help, for comfort, and whatever else they need. This is where you get invited to their homes, their get-together's, and they call you outside of work. This is where you have genuine friends, that remain your friends, even when you don't work together anymore.

Personal Success Testimonies:

When I first had gotten my job at the nursing home here in Montana a couple years ago (before I moved to CA) I worked there for almost a year. I hadn't fully grasped the whole ministry thing yet, but I had learned that I needed to build relationships wherever I went. So, I successfully built a network of close friends in my work area. When I moved to CA, they threw a party for me, and there were a lot of tears haha.

In California, I held a job at a small drive-through coffee shop for 8 months. I made some very close friends there, and even now (9 months later) I'm still in contact with most of the people I worked with, and we get together for dinner out when I'm back in town.)

Now, the entire time I had been in California (about a year and half), I had been in contact with my ex-coworkers from Montana. I called them about once a month or so, and just updated them on what I was doing. Every time I would call them, the first question I got asked was "Are you moving back and applying yet?" And every time, my answer would be..."No, not yet lol."

However, a year and half after I had quit, I decided to move back to Montana, and so I called them to see if I could get my old job back. I had maintained my relationships with my friends from work, so when my manager picked up the phone, and before I could say a word, she said, "Please tell me you're calling to tell me you're moving back and applying!" I laughed, and said... "Actually, that's exactly why I'm calling."

She freaked out of course, and by the time I stopped in at work a week later, almost everyone knew I was coming back. I was 're-hired' almost before I even officially applied.

However, a lot of people had quit since I left, so most of the actual staff that I work with now, I'd never worked with before, so it was back to the beginning as far as co-worker relationships went.

It's now less than 5 months later, and I'm already at the "Love and Respect Returned" level. I hang out with my co-workers outside of work, I talk to them on the phone. I pray with them at work, I laugh with them... we are genuine friends, in and out of work.

I know my co-workers by name, I know the patients by name... I even know most of the regular people who come in by name. I know what they like, how they like to be talked to, and what makes them smile.

Why? Because I started the job with a mindset of actually caring about them, and building relationships with them.

This is the key to everything. Not just work.
Genuine love for the people, and a desire to build relationships.
Learn that, and you have the key to most of your life!

Super-hero as a mindset...

2011-09-02T20:51:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wondered why super-heroes wear masks?

Underneath Superman, was a man who looked ordinary, who lived a 'normal' life...
Behind Batman was a human. A person who was like anybody else.
Spiderman had his own double identity.
You can go on down the list...
Now obviously, these are just movies, shows, and hyped up entertainment. But it got me thinking.

Maybe the reason they all had a mask, a double identity, was because they didn't think they could really make a difference as who they really were. Because of the relationships they had, because of their history. There was no way for them to be a hero in their own skin, so they built a new one to be a hero in.

But there is a difference between creating a stage show, and creating a lifestyle.
If you lived a stage show every day of your life, it would become exhausting. You can't have your reputation swinging on a string and dependent on doing flips to keep people entertained every second, and not eventually collapse.

If you lined up the superheros in a line, and put Jesus in the line...there is a huge difference. One that makes all the rest of the superheros look comical and fake in comparison (pretending for the moment that the heros are real)

Lets see...
Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Jesus......

There's double identity, double identity, double identity, and then there's Jesus.
A man who is not afraid to simply be himself, because he knows that who He is, is enough. He doesn't have to put on fireworks to prove that he's worthy. He doesn't have to build a stage and prove himself to people.

Why? Because he has devoted his life, to changing other peoples lives.
The goal in His life, was never being the hero...it was always other people.
This is the difference between the worlds hero's, and Jesus.
The worlds hero's build an identity based off of the need to be loved and accepted.
Jesus built an identity in spite of not being loved and accepted, and out of love for other people.

Part of the Journey

2011-08-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

Sept. 22, 2007

God I am so mixed up right now, I'm not sure what I'm doing or why. We need some kind of change. I'm so sick and tired of "American Christianity"...

Oct. 19th, 2007

...it seems like all I do lately is question myself, my intentions, my abilities, everything. I know as a Christian I'm supposed to have purpose and be stronger...

Oct. 29th, 2007

...we talked about church last night. Seems like everything is on the verge of falling apart. I feel a little scared.
Sometimes I wonder if it's all just going to end. Either we're going to go on to a place where no ones ever been before, or we just stop.

Dec. 20, 2007

...how long God, do we have to wait to see something that you've already promised? I feel like we've got everything wrong.
Yeah. Either You're pissed, or we've got everything wrong.

June 21rst, 2008

Why I do feel unworthy, when I'm the daughter of a King?
And why do I feel in need, When I've got everything?

July 8th, 2008

...in all this hard stuff, I keep telling myself that God must have a reason for it. Maybe He wants me in this mess. But how the heck does that work?
I keep telling myself that He's good all the time, but then I just sound like I'm contradicting myself. Is He really good all the time?

August 18, 2008

I feel lost. I don't know what to do, or where to go. It's not like I'm going to kill myself... I just feel lost. Like I don't freaking care anymore.

Feb. 15, 2009

I still don't have answers. Yeah, I'm the worship leader, but I don't have answers. I feel like there's something right in front of my nose, and I'm frustrated because I just can't seem to see it. There has to be more.

July 16th, 2009

A team came to church today, one of them started calling out diseases and stuff, and then they started praying for the people with those diseases. Almost all of them got healed. Dang. This stuff is intense.

July 20th, 2009

...so what if no one else is doing this? I am absolutely determined to be successful.

Jan. 26, 2010

...in two weeks I leave for California. The start of my new life.

Feb. 20, 2010

...went to a healing thingy and prayed for people. This one lady's leg grew out, another's side was healed...another lady who could hardly talk anymore had her voice completely healed. This stuff works!

March 18, 2010

Ryan Rhoades is moving down on Monday. Never met him before. Supposed to pretty intense though.

March 20, 2010

I guess Brandon Lee is moving in too. Dang. A whole bunch of crazy people in one house. I wonder how it's going to work haha.

April 10, 2010

Things here have been blowing up, in a good way though. It's funny how when you're in the middle of religion, you fight harder, and it's almost like you see the effects all the more lol.

May 22, 2010

I have decided not to go to Bethel's school after all. I'm already doing the stuff...so hey, whats the point?

August 15, 2010

Dude, life is intense. God is good all the time! I'm a warrior. I stop at nothing. I'm going to find the answers to my questions. And then I'm going to find new ones.
I'm in love with God, with people and with life. Someones got to do this thing. Someones got to find the answers, and I intend to.

Bike Rally Fun

2011-07-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

“I no longer have an excuse to live under (outside of) my priviledge (as an heir). I don’t have to become this great, learned scholar, and amazing teacher. I am a joint heir with Christ. Do you know what that means? It means I have exactly what Jesus has. And I have it now! I just have to apply love…” - Marvin Yakos - teaching at the biker rally.

I’ve been hanging out at a bikers rally that happens every year at an old friends place…they get bikers from across the states, who ride/drive hundreds of miles to come up here. It’s been the most fun I’ve had in a while. They’re some of the most genuine people I’ve ever met.
And the coolest thing is.. they’re so NOT religious! You can pray for any of them, and they love it! They believe in healing, so they pray for each other to get healed, saved and delivered. Coolest thing ever!!

Savio (one of my friends from CA) had been hanging out at the bike rally for a day already, before I got there. Hardly anyone had known him, except for two or three people. By the time I got there, at the end of the second day… everyone already knew and loved him. He’d already healed quite a few people there, and changed people’s lives like crazy. I heard one man talking to him, who was thanking Savio for teaching him how to pray, because he had just healed his son’s leg.!! :D Come on!!

Last night, they apparently had played this poker game, and the two top guys won several hundred dollars. The guy who won the most, won over 400 dollars. He turns around and walks over to one of the other guys on the biker team and says, “You need this more than I do…” and hands him the entire envelope of money, without ever even opening it.
The second winner, who had won around $250, then walks over to the first winner and says, “Well then here, take mine..” :D
These people have it down!

This morning they were planning on doing an outdoor worship and message. The weather forcast for the weekend had been sunny, with no clouds…and yet this morning, it was pouring rain, completely overcast and cold…and it was just getting worse, didn’t look like letting up at all.
So, one of the biker ladies, (this really cool little, crazy/passionate Seattle lady) gets up on the stage, grabs the mic, and starts commanding the rain to stop and the sun to shine. She only prayed for maybe a minute. In the middle of her prayer, the sun starts shining, and the rain completely stopped. Everyone started laughing/cheering and praising God…
So, worship and the message went on afterwards, with people being set free and awesomeness happening.

I’m excited for tonight :D I feel like they’re all my family. They accept you for who you are, no questions asked…and just love you! SO much fun :D woot.

Made in His Image: Value

2011-06-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

In the past I had often used the fact of “I’m a girl,” as an excuse for the times I got overly emotional or ‘needy.’ This post is simply to put out some of the answers I have found that have set me free from being emotionally unsteady and being dependant on people for my happiness and sense of worth.

The first answer is to know your identity, so if you haven’t read my earlier post on that, I would highly recommend that you read the identity post, and put that into practice, because it will give you a lot of answers. (Every article that I write now, is writing with the assumption that you’ve already taken steps to know your identity, because until you’ve done that, everything else will be much more difficult, if not impossible.) So read this first, if you need to, and then come back later and read this one.

___________________________________________________________________

Where to Find Value

As girls, we often feel like we need to be loved, wanted and valued.

There is nothing wrong with our need to be loved and valued, the problem comes when we become needy, and start putting the responsibility on the people around us, to provide us with the feeling that we are loved and valued.

I asked some girls what it meant to them to be valued, and for the most part the response was that they felt valued when the people around them made them feel valued, and treated them in a loving and caring manner. However, because their definition of being valued was based on the actions of the people around them, they ceased feeling valued as soon as the people around them failed to treat them as a treasured princess.

This is a mindset that finds it’s base in a lack of knowing our identity, and a simple mindset of lack. Since I’ve already given you the tools to deal with the identity problem, I’ll address the ‘mindset of lack’ problem.

As daughters of God, we have not only been given all authority, and made one Spirit with him, but we have also been considered with unconditional value and love. We are considered a precious treasure to our Father, and his view of us is that our value is above rubies, above diamonds and gold.

Now, if you had a daughter ( I don’t, but I’m using this analogy anyways)… if you had a daughter, and your view of her was that she was beautiful and valuable… You love her unconditionally, and you would give the world for her, and yet her view of herself was that she was ugly, and had to look for her value through the eyes of other people…wouldn’t that hurt? You’d wish she could she what you see when you look at her. If only she could see herself through your eyes, then she’d know what a treasure she truly is!

This is how it is with us and God. In His eyes, viewing us as daughters and princesses, there is no need for us to turn to people for our value and our worth. We’re already treasures, born into royalty, and declared daughters of God!

A lot of times we take our question to the people, ( especially the men, it seems), instead of God, and we ask them, “Am I valuable? Am I worth anything?” If their response is anything but what we’re looking for, our sense of worth plummets, because we’re finding our value in their opinions and views of us. However, if we take our question to God, the answer will always be the same. "You're my daughter! You're valuable beyond imagination, you're beautiful, you're royalty!"

This comes back to knowing our identity, and knowing that we’re daughters of God, which I will address in more depth a little later…

Do unto Others

Now lets take our focus off ourselves for a little bit, and focus on the people around us.

The moment that this value thing truly set in for me, was when I began realizing the intense value of the people around me. You see, once you see everyone as sons and daughters of God, you begin to realize your own worth without even realizing it, because you’ve grown so accustomed to seeing it in others.

I was in South Africa, I had been having a rough day and had been taking it out on my friends a bit. My attitude left something to be desired, and I had started looking to the people around me for my sense of value. I needed something to make me feel like I was loved and worthy.

At the end of the day, I was in the back of a truck, riding a bumpy road, and mulling over the thoughts in my head. ‘There had to be an answer! Why was I always struggling with my self-worth? Why did I always seem to go back to questioning who I was and my place as a daughter of God?’

All of a sudden I had a God thought question pop into my head. “Why are you placing an unfair responsibility on the people around you to make you feel valued, when your value has already been determined in me?”

It was then, that it started clicking for me. All this time, I had been placing an unfair responsibility on the shoulders of the people around me, to make ME feel valued, to make ME feel like I belonged, when I already knew that I was priceless. I already knew that I belonged.

And then I realized that the reason it was unfair to the guys in my life ( even more than my girlfriends ), was because the only person they should ever have a responsibility to make feel valued, is their future (or present) wives. They should never have a responsibility to make me feel valued.

I am blessed, because the men in my life already value me and love me. However, I no longer place a responsibility on them to do that, so if they mess up and fail in any aspect, not only does it no longer have the power to affect me, but I also don’t hold it against them. Why? Because it was never their responsibility to do so in the first place!

You see, just as much as we are daughters of God, they are sons of God! We are princesses, and they are princes. We no longer have the right to walk as paupers, with our heads down, thinking only of ourselves. No! We are royalty. We should now not only realize our own worth, but think of the kingdom as well, realizing and bringing out the worth and destiny in the people around us.

Do unto others: value other people as you would want them to value you, but practice unconditional value. Unconditional means that you require nothing in return. You don’t have to require anything in return, because you base your value off of God’s opinion of you, instead of their opinion of you!

Emotions are not ‘bad’

Emotions are not bad. The same as with everything else, it’s the abuse of emotions that is bad. It’s when the original creation gets twisted and demented that it gets bad.

Good emotions are exactly that, good. Bad emotions are exactly that as well, bad. Now you just have to learn the difference between them. There is a righteous anger, a healthy sadness. But there is no good depression, no good ‘out of control’ tantrum.

Here’s the simple lay-down: If your emotions are controlled by people, circumstances or situations, then they are unhealthy. Simple as that. If you are happy one minute, but then upset the next because someone said something, then it wasn’t true happiness in the beginning.

I heard once, “Love is level, joy is steady and peace is peaceful.” There is no ‘emotional roller-coaster’ that we’re allowed to ride.

Remember how it says in 1 Cor. 13, when it’s talking about love… “love thinks no evil. Love hopes all, love never fails.”

This chapter kind of erases all our excuses for being ’emotional and needy’. Why? Because love thinks no evil, so it can’t get mad for the wrong reasons. It hopes all, so it can’t get disappointed. It is not puffed up, so it puts others before itself… Start making love your identity, start putting your name where the word love is… and start watching yourself get off the emotional rollercoaster, ditch the chains and set other people free as well.

Personally, as a teenage girl I used to be extremely emotional. I would sink into random depression mode for days without any practical reason. I would get very angry with people, and when I was upset, I tried to make sure everyone else knew it.

I began gaining control over my emotions, when I started to realize the truth of my identity. However, it wasn’t until I started truly realizing other peoples value, and falling in love with other people, that I began to truly began to walk out a lifestyle of steady emotions.

If I start getting upset or angry, I simply begin to realize again why I love people, and why I love God.

If there’s one key to fixing your own emotions and problems, it’s this: Fall in love with people. When you become passionate about setting other people free, it will set you free yourself. When it becomes about other people instead of yourself, you lose sight of your problems, and the reasons why you were ever emotional in the first place.

Do unto others. Fall in love with people. It’ll solve your emotional problems without you even having to focus on them!

So, these are just a few practical answers that I’ve found work in my own life.

Like anything else, this stuff only works if you put it to practical use in your own life.

I hope it makes sense to you and helps you. I always appreciate feedback, so if you have questions, comments, or have answers of your own, email me @ sueellenbontrager@gmail.com!

Made In His Image: Identity

2011-05-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

Made In His Image

Identity

In all the questions I’ve asked, I’ve come to realize that the root of most every problem comes back to identity. If you do not know who you are, and who your Father is, then you will struggle in most problems you face, and most situations you find yourself in. If I had a ‘To Do’ list for you, number one would be to learn who you are, and become sure in your identity. It’s like the main key that unlocks the deadbolt of the ‘problem doors.’ You can unlock the doorknob of other issues, but until you have the master key of identity to open the deadbolt, you still can’t open the door.

Think about how sometimes right after we have a birthday, if someone asks us how old we are, often out of habit, we automatically want to respond with our old age instead of our new age. This is often what happens with our identity. In our past we were sinners, our identity was grounded in sin, and we had the mentality of slaves with no rights. When we are born again, we are given new names, new identities as daughters of God, and are called beautiful. And yet, sometimes when we’re in uncomfortable situations, and our identity is brought into question, we automatically have the urge to answer with our old names and old identities as slaves and sinners. When we do this, we are literally resurrecting the dead, by digging up our own graves and pulling the ’old man’ out of the hole and making it our identity once again! No wonder people turn away in disgust at so many Christians. How would you feel if someone stood in front of you, holding a rotting corpse in front of them and saying, “This is who I am! It’s who I feel comfortable as…I’ll just keep this old body and hide my new amazing body with it’s stench and decay?”

It’s time that we realize who we are, so that we can leave the dead buried!

Who Am I?

One of the biggest breakthroughs for me in identity happened one day when I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 again and meditating on love, and I decided to put God’s name where the word of ‘love’ is, because after all, God is love right?

So I started out, “God suffers long and is kind; he does not envy, he is not jealous….God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things…God never fails.” Ok, this makes sense. God is perfect, he’s amazing, of course it works to put his name in the place of love. It’s who He is. Then I started thinking about the verse in 1 Cor. 6:17 “Whosoever is joined with the Lord is one Spirit with Him.” I am one spirit with Christ, and it’s no longer I who live but Him in me, so all of a sudden, His identity becomes my identity. If I was able to put the name of Jesus in the place of the word ‘love’, then I should be able to do it with my name as well. So I began the process of putting my name in the place of the word ’love’ in 1 Cor. 13. “Sue is patient and kind, she does not envy…she bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things…Sue never fails.”

My brain couldn’t comprehend it in the beginning. In fact, everything in my head was yelling at me saying, “No Sue, you’re not always patient, you get angry sometimes, you fail yourself all the time, who do you think you are saying you’re this amazing.” But, instead of listening to impulse to put myself down I decided to do it again. “No, this is who I am! I am patient, I’m kind, I never fail!” Over and over again I told myself this, and then it began clicking in my head and my heart. I am one spirit with Christ, therefore His identity becomes my identity!

We tend to look in the mirror and assume what we see as our identity. Our job, hobbies, habits and actions becomes our identity. In the process, our identity becomes firmly rooted in what we do, how we look, how we feel, and our behavior.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. Our identity is not formed from what we do, but rather, who we are. This is where the beautiful truth of becoming ‘one spirit with Christ’ comes into the picture, and we begin to assume our identity in Christ, instead of in ourselves.

If Christ is love, we become love. If He is truth and light and life, then we also become these things. It’s not losing our ‘personal personality‘, its simply aligning ourselves with the truth of who we were created to be, and our inheritance as princesses and daughters of God.

This sets you completely free! Once you realize that Christ’s identity has become your identity, then nothing can phase you again! Imagine someone walking up to you and yelling at you and telling you that you’re not worth anything, and it’s actually pointless that you’re alive. If you haven’t established your identity in Christ, then you’ll get hurt and offended and feel like giving up. However, if you’ve already established your identity in Christ, then you’ll be able to laugh at their statements, because it simply sounds so ridiculous. “Of course that’s not who I am! Haven’t you seen my Father? I’m made in His image, we look a lot alike, we act similar, nothing your saying is the truth.”

If someone comes up to me and says, “Your name isn’t Sue.” I would laugh at them. Of course my name is Sue, I know that for a fact, and nothing they say or do could shake my belief that my name is Sue. It’s the name my parents gave me when I was born, it’s the name on my birth certificate, everybody knows it. Yet when someone comes up to me and says, “Sue you’re a sinner!”, if I wasn’t absolutely sure that God named me ‘Saint’ when I was born in Him, then I might start to believe them. However, I know for an absolute fact that when I was born again, God completely erased the word ‘sinner’ on my birth certificate, and wrote his name ‘Saint, Forgiven, Beautiful, Set Free, and Blessed’ in it’s place, and no one and nothing can ever convince me otherwise.

You have to become as convinced of your new identity in Christ, as you are of your own name. Nothing should be able to shake your belief in who you are in Christ! So the answer to the question, “Who am I really?” becomes, “Who is Jesus, and what does Jesus look like?” When you get a revelation of who Jesus is, you also get a revelation of who you are!

Conquering Every Identity Crisis

I remember once when I was younger, one of my friends had been talking about how he was adopted, which he had figured out by noticing the lack of similarities between him and the rest of his family. Where he was perfectly happy in his family a couple days previous, he was now unhappy with his family because he now felt like he didn’t belong anymore.

Somehow he planted an idea in my head, and I started looking at my family and finding reasons of why I might be adopted. I felt like I didn’t belong, I didn’t really look like my parents too much, and I was so different than my siblings. As silly as this sounds, I even made up a little story about what might have happened to my ‘real’ parents.

After about a week of fabricating these stories in my head, I went to my mom and said, “Mom, am I adopted?” My mom just laughed a little and said, “Of course not Sue.” However, I kept pressing her and said, “No mom, I think I might be adopted, so just tell me the truth!.” Finally she got a little fed up with my apparent new knowledge of ‘being adopted’, and started pointing out why I couldn’t be adopted. “You have Dad’s eyes, you have my hair, the way you talk is like us, you and your brother look alike, you have a little cousin in the splitting image of you when you were her age….” She gave me reason after reason to ease my sudden doubt of who I was, and after a bit I began to see what she was talking about, and suddenly realized that it was ridiculous to even think that I wasn’t a part of this family. We were all so alike! How could I ever have questioned it?

For many people their Christian walk is a lot like my friend’s. They know that they’ve been adopted by God, but they still don’t feel like they truly fit in, because after all, they were adopted. And so they begin to be tempted with thoughts that question their identity. “What if my identity before adoption is my true identity? What if my old name before my new name was better?” They begin to become shaken in their new identity and proceed to grab a shovel to go and find the grave of their ‘old person’ and see if it’s gotten any better over time. This is how spiritual zombies are created, and powerful identities are lost.

When you are born again, your old person dies. It no longer exists. The only way that you can ever be bothered by it again is if you attempt to resurrect it again. You are a completely new creation in Christ. This means that your spiritual DNA changes. This is why you can’t enjoy your old sinful habits anymore. The new you doesn’t have those habits, it’s not natural for you anymore.

Natural adoption means that you don’t have the same blood as your parents, your DNA carries no natural connection to your new family. However, in God’s adoption this isn’t the truth. When you are born again, into His family, your spiritual DNA changes to match His. This is what makes spiritual adoption so precious, because it doesn’t just cross out your old identity and write over it, it actually makes completely new paperwork, and burns the old. You are literally ‘born again’, which means your bloodline goes back one generation, directly to God.

Many people need to get over the ‘adoption mentality’, and begin to walk in the ‘royal family’ way of thinking. And identity crisis actually isn’t a crisis at all, you just need to stop visiting the graveyard, and start paying more attention to the Kingdom that you have been born into!

Free People, Free People

A friend of mine once said that everyone in the entire world was born for the same thing. We were all born to help other people. There’s not a single person I’ve seen in my life, who doesn’t come alive when they help someone else find freedom. The thing is, you have to be free to set other people free. You have to know your own identity, before you can truly help someone else find theirs.

So I would encourage you to read this as many times as you need to. Do what I did in the beginning; go to 1 Cor. 13 and read the definition of love, and begin to put your name in the place of love. It’s who you really are! Read the Bible and begin to make Jesus’ identity your identity. Begin to set other people free, because the more you set other people free, the more you begin to realize just how amazing your new identity is.

I will warn you, this requires change. It will only set you free to the extent that you’re willing to let your old person stay dead and buried, and let your new person really come alive. But the freedom that comes with knowing who you are, and the people you set free as a result, makes it more than worth it!

Welcome to the family :)

Blessings

-Sue

Inbetween Update

2011-05-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

I am back from Africa!
I few out of Durban on Thursday, and arrived in San Fran on Friday, after 24 hours of flying :P
Definitely experienced culture shock. Starbucks is actually a word thats used here, and it's so busy and crazy, but I'm already excited for whats going to happen in the coming months.

For those of you who don't know whats happening, I'm going to be moving back to Montana for the next year or so, working jobs and discipling people. I am excited to just spend some quality time in one area for a while, and really work on doing some solid discipleship and relationship with people. (So if you live in the Eureka area, hit me up! I'm totally up for anything.)

I've been learning so much, and I'm actually in the middle of writing some articles, so I should have some writing up in the next couple of days, and then a series coming up after that. I apologize for the lack of writing that I've done, but now that I'm back in the U.S. and internet, and plugins aren't scarce anymore, I can actually get some stuff up on the web.

My brother is getting married in August! So excited for it. I've got an amazing new sister, and I love her to life.

Blessed are we, in freedom, life and love.
Peace,

-Sue

Another Africa Update

2011-05-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in Durban after saying goodbye to all my friends in Margate and the surrounding area where we were living for the six weeks that we were in South Africa. In a few more days I'll be on a flight back to the U.S.

It's crazy how fast time goes.

Africa was nothing like I expected, but then again, I didn't really expect to leave with plans to move back semi-permanently either, so maybe sometimes having our expectations changed doesn't hurt. :)

There are so many more questions that I am still looking for answers to, but there will always be questions. The real question is, what am I going to do with the answers that I've found?

Discipleship, leadership, responsibility, love, patience, compassion....these are just a few things I've been learning more about in my time here. How do effectively disciple teenagers, how to teach them to lead. How I can walk in love more and more, and with that, patience...

It's crazy to see young kids who are scared of even laying hands on people, become warriors who aren't afraid of anything, laying hands on the sick and seeing them healed... prophesying, dancing, worshiping... it's beautiful. It gives me a vision, and a definite desire to see more.
I was at a highschool about a week or so ago, and we walked into a classroom that was full of teenagers, all of them worshiping and praying. These are young kids, mostly led by their peers. This is leadership! These kids go into their schools, heal their classmates, and have church, 'real' church, in their classrooms!

One of my friends, Ntando, who is 15 years old, just recently preached a sermon to a group of people in Massanengeh, a local poor village. Another friend, Junior, who is 18, preached a sermon in the church for the first time. Leaders aren't determined by age, they're determined by who is making disciples and doing what the Bible says.

Oh, I have so much more to learn, but I'm excited to see how much I can grow in the next year. If I ask questions that no one else is asking, and find answers that no one else has found...then I'll change the world in ways that no one else has ever changed the world.

I'm moving back to Eureka Montana (current plan), for the next 8 months to a year, and then sometime after that I'm planning on moving to South Africa semi-permanently. I'm getting a vision and a dream, and I'm putting it into action.
I was having some feelings the other day about how I would almost want to be a normal girl for once...and then I realized that I can't be a normal girl because I'm redefining the lifestyle of 'christian woman', which means I have to set aside my expectations of security and 'normal future...' but, thats for a different post that I will be writing...

All this randomness haha... I'm excited to be coming home, but really, really sad to be leaving South Africa...
So I have a year with all you awesome american people, and then I'll be becoming South African for quite a while hehe :D

What Is Love?

2011-05-07T03:11:00.001-07:00

My thought process the past few days on love. It’s a bit raw, because it’s just how I’ve been thinking.
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So how do we know when we know what love is?
Obviously we know that love is not a feeling. Not just butterflies and warm fuzzies.
But how do we love people in the middle wanting to be bitter with them, wanting to slap them out of their apparent stupidity?

Contrary to what a lot of people have said in songs and poems, love isn’t blind. Love actually sees a lot more than what people see without love.

I asked myself the other day, ‘Would it be easier to love your enemy when they’re on their deathbeds, then it is at the present moment?’
The answer, sadly, was yes.
But then I came to the realization that they are dying at the present moment as well. That in spite of all their words and actions, you’re not really ‘alive’ until you’re living in, and out of, love.
Ok, so that makes it a bit easier for me to love them.

But what if, in their struggle of dying, they’re bringing other people along with them?
Ah. My spirit starts growling again. Not only are they dying, but they’re killing people as well. No, there goes my love down the drain again.

So here comes my question again.
How do I love truly love people, when every situation and circumstance tells me I should be doing the opposite?

Yesterday I spent literally hours simply meditating on some verses of love.
“Love thinks no evil….”
Oh crap.
“Love is patient….”
but…but….
“Love believes all……”
Yeah, ok….
“We love because He first loved us….”
noooooo duh.
“God is love….”

“If you do not know love, you do not know God, for God. Is. love.”
Ouch.

So I should probably get this down right?
“Right.”

______________________________________

So, right now I’m in the process of really learning what love is.
Not just, “love”. Not just “Compassion”, not just “forgiveness”
No.
Love.
As in. God. Is. LOVE.

I’ll update when I learn something haha.

Short Updates

2011-05-04T03:56:00.000-07:00

We got to go to a hospital in Port Shepstone yesterday and pray for people there. Turns out that they have 'systems' here in Africa too, so we're waiting for the 'official paperwork' to go through, so that our team can just walk in to the hospital and pray for everyone.
However, there were a LOT of people walking around outside the hospital, and most of them were hurt, injured or sick, so we just split up into teams and started praying for people.
I prayed for a lady who had suffered from a stroke and could hardly speak and was using a cane. Her speech cleared up about 80 percent, and she was able to walk without her cane...for the most part we saw most everyone healed, pain leave, ect.
I'm going after answers, what works...what do I need to leave behind. The simple fact that we're in Africa seems to give more of a freedom to experiment with what we do. All I want to see is freedom, and if what I'm doing is setting people free, then I don't want to do it. I want the truth, and my truth has to set other people free.

I don't want to do the 'typical' missions trip, where I come to Africa and leave with good experiences, and stories. No. I want to leave with answers that will work in the States as well. I want to leave with more truth than I came with. Otherwise, whats the point?

The more I'm here, the more I'm starting to see that it comes back to loving people. God is love, so if I know Him, then I'll know how to love. And if I truly know how to love, then I'll take care of the people.
The definition of love is largely being redefined for me. Love is so much different than what we're taught, and what we think we know, and it's what I'm just beginning to learn.

So if there's one thing that I'm being taught here in Africa, it's that pretty much everything we've ever been taught by people, is wrong, or needs to be redefined.

I'm looking for the definitions, for the answers...and I'm planning on setting everybody free with what I find.

Short Africa Update 2

2011-04-30T03:56:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe that I have less than three weeks left here in Africa. Time has flown far too quickly. Now that I actually have the chance to write a blog, I'm almost at loss as what to write...so much has happened, but I don't know how to put it into words.

For anyone who think of Africa and gets the picture of elephants and giraffes walking around, and lions chasing things in people's backyards, you would be very wrong. There are malls and traffic, lights and action...much different than the typical 'africa picture' that is painted for us. In fact, right now I am sitting in the middle of a huge Harley Davidson festival, where it's completely crazy and there are hundreds and hundreds of bikes and bikers milling around, with streets blocked off and the bars full.
So yes, Africa is different than expected. But the one thing you can never go wrong on is the fact that there will always be people that you can love, impact and change their lives.

Some of my favorite times here have been spent in what we call 'squatter camps'. Which is where you'll find thousands of people living in little huts that they build out of billboards, and whatever they can find. It's a place where HIV is rampant, although not very talked about, and other diseases are everywhere because of the water and circumstances. It's also the place where we've seen some of the most effective ministry.
We walk in on dirt roads, in-between garbage dumps and huts, with kids running around half naked, clinging to you and holding your hands. People are sitting around outside their houses in the dirt, the women doing each others hair, the men smoking, drinking and talking... it's prime for simply learning how to love and transform people.

Recently I've been learning the importance of learning at least a bit of the language. We were at Massanenga (the closest squatter camp), and were doing ministry there for a few hours and I was outside of some of the houses while the two others from my group went inside to minister to some of the ladies. I saw two ladies sit down in the dirt yard outside the houses, so I went and joined them and greeted them in Zulu, and then asked them in English if I could pray for them. The one lady smiled and nodded, but the older one refused to look at me. When I asked the other lady what was wrong, she told me that the lady would refuse to talk to me or let me communicate with her unless I spoke to her in Zulu. Thankfully I had been taught how to ask if I could pray for them, in Zulu, so I asked her if I could. Her entire face lit up and she held out her hands for me to pray for her.
It's so much fun to greet people in their own language, because it makes them feel like I actually care, like I actually take the time to communicate in their language, instead of just using my own, which is actually a lot harder for them, and carries less meaning.
We've seen quite a few people healed here as well...Stroke healed, a young kid who was paralyzed began kicking his legs and moving his arms...eyes, ears, noses, legs, arms.... haha...it's been good. :)

I've also been simply building a lot of relationship with the kids that had already been here, kids in the GodSquad, and others...and becoming close friends with them. It's awesome to see such young kids take initiative and go after God like they do.

I am currently making plans to move back to South Africa. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to do a permanent move, or only come for a couple of years, but either way the shortest period of time I would be here is probably three to five years, at current plan. I'm definitely open to my plans changing, since I don't simply set things in stone.

Again, I know this isn't a lot...but I'm simply at loss of what to write...there's a lot on my heart, so maybe I'll eventually get it out in language that people can understand :)

Peace,
-Sue

Short Africa Update

2011-04-16T04:05:00.000-07:00

Africa.

It is hard to think of the fact that a week has passed here, and I only have five more left. I already wish I could extend my time here. I fell in love with the land the moment I saw it out of my airplane window, and I fell in love with the people one by one as I met them.

I haven’t gotten all that much time to write, but I will try to fit this past week into this blog and let people know whats happening, and where my heart is at.

The team and I are staying in a small farm house on the south coast of South Africa, where we made our home base, and have a place to come back to after ministry times.

We have been simply focusing a lot on relationship and discipleship with some of our new friends, and teaching them to do what we’ve learned to do.

We’ve done ministry in a hospital, in the ‘dump villages’, on the streets, on the beach, in restaurants…wherever we walk, wherever we live life, we live Jesus. We love the people, and we show them the love of God.

Here is a little something I recently wrote in my journal:

“I am having a hard time writing about the trip, and figuring out what words to use to express how I feel and what’s happening. All I can say is that something changes in your heart when you see the people who absolutely have no other options but Jesus. Their only hope is to find the love we have.

In my heart, I want to leave my plane ticket, move into a house, learn Zulu and walk the dusty streets with 6 children hanging on my arms every day.

I am so in love with bringing freedom to people. I live to see their faces light up, and to see them smile and be happy. These people are the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my life. I want to be the answer to everything they need, I want to bring the remedy, the solution. If they are sick, they will be healed…this is what I was born for, I can feel it.

I walk down the little roads in Massanenga, and there are children who run up and grab your hand and won’t let go. They look at you and their entire faces light up because they realize that you love them, that you’re not afraid to hold their hands.

I want to stay always. I’m not even going to think about leaving…I think I could make this home.”

I hope that bit gives you a glimpse into whats in my heart, and how much I absolutely love it here. I have been working on learning the Zulu language, which is what a lot of the natives speak here, and if you go into the small poor villages, that is what you’ll hear spoken. It’s such a strange language, with the little clicks and noises, but it’s fun to learn J

So, that is just a tiny update on my current life. If you want to read on the more ‘technical aspects’ of the trip, go to the Africa page…I have some updates there on the more simple technical details of the trip

Grace and peace,

-Sue

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If you would like to support the Africa team and help out with the expenses of the trip, you can make a donation here:

To read more on the 'technical stuff' of the trip, go here.

Short Update: Leaving for Africa

2011-03-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

It's March 28th, and I am in Libby MT, getting ready for the drive to California with my brother Dennis and his fiance Maria.

The time to leave for Africa is finally here! In a weeks time, I'll be on a plane to Durban, meeting up with the entire team of 6 people.
It's crazy to think that it's actually happening now. We're really going to Africa! lolz.
I'm not sure how much internet we'll have over there. I'm leaving my cellphone here in the U.S., and it will be turned off. Internet will be limited as we don't have internet in the houses where we're staying. They do however have internet cafe's I believe, so I'm sure I'll get on somewhat frequently to post pictures and write updates.

All my clothes are packed into one big duffel bag, and all my belongings are packed into a few boxes and stored here in Montana. I've moved so many times in the past year or so, that I really don't have a lot of things to pack anymore, which is nice.

So anyways, we'll be leaving for CA late tonight, or early in the morning, and will be in CA by Wednesday, and in San Jose by Thursday, where we'll be staying for a few days until our flights leave.
This will probably be my last update until after I'm in Africa, so...

peace, :)
-Sue

Capturing Our Thoughts

2011-03-25T13:55:00.001-07:00

...bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ - 2 Cor. 10:5

A couple days ago, my younger siblings and I were driving home from a friends house. It was after dark, and we were all a bit tired, and my younger brother made a remark about ‘how there was a very high possibility of hitting a deer at that time of the night, in the condition we were in.’
I instantly, without really thinking about it, replied with, “No, I’ve never hit a deer and never will, it’s not a possibility in my life.”
He looked at me like I was a bit crazy and said, “Yeah right, everybody in Montana hits deer”
“Not me...” I said. “It’s just not possible

Why would I say something like that? And how am I able to speak it in absolute confidence?

Everything we think and say, whether out loud or to ourselves, is either pertaining to life, or to death. (Proverbs 18:21) What you speak into your life, is what you will experience in your life, so learning how to speak and think ‘life’ on a consistent basis is crucial to living a life that is full of peace and joy.
So, in my brother saying, “There’s a big possibility that we will hit a deer tonight,” he is speaking a chance of us getting into an accident. When he said that, it’s almost like this little bell goes off in my head, because I’ve been training myself to only speak life and peace into my own life, and so when other people say something that contradicts that, I have the choice to either accept and agree with what they’re saying, OR, I can reject their statement and replace it with a statement of life. I chose the latter in my situation and replied with, “Hitting a deer is not a possibility in my life.”
If I would look at the ‘normal’ situation, I would probably see that I live in Montana, there are a LOT of deer on the roads this time of the year, and since I was tired, I couldn’t see them as well. AND, on average, the majority of people in MT hits a deer sometime in their lives...
But, choosing to speak and think ‘life’, is also choosing to look past whatever circumstance that you are in, and saying “This circumstance does not apply to me, I only receive life, joy, and peace.

“Never allow yourself to finish a negative thought, ALWAYS replace it with a positive one that you then allow yourself to complete...” - Joseph Murphy

When I talk to people about only speaking life, and only expecting ‘life’ to happen to you, instead of ‘death’, the most common reply is, “Crap happens.” (universal language for the multiple phrases :)
I know crap HAS happened. That doesn’t mean it WILL happen ever again, or ever needs to. Part of training yourself in taking your thoughts captive, is to leave the past in the past. (Phil. 3:13) It’s not denying that situations happened, but instead saying, “I choose to leave those things behind me, and press on to what lies ahead.
IF (not when) situations happen that aren’t exactly full of life and peace, you still have the choice to keep your mindset one of life and peace. You choose to say, “Regardless of the situation, I will keep my mind focused on what brings life.” It’s not ignoring the situation, it’s choosing to stay free and full of joy in the middle of it.

Many people argue that it is impossible to monitor every thought that we have coming into our mind. But my personal belief is that you won’t have to monitor every thought, once you make it a lifestyle of focusing on what brings life and peace.

In the past I often had issues with anger. If one thing went wrong, or a person came at me the wrong way, it was a bad day for them, because I could ‘lose it’ pretty fast.
Since I’ve been training myself to take my thoughts captive and think only on things pertaining to life, I’ve noticed myself reacting to situations in a positive way, when they would normally make me angry.
From simple things to dropping my phone and thinking, ‘Well, I had to restart it anyways...’
To things such as falling down cliffs (haha), and thinking, “Oooh, now I get to compete with my brothers for cuts, bruises and scratches...and wow, that's a nice view!” (lol)
Even to the point of when people attack me with words, or say something that would normally draw a reaction from me, my reply is something to the effect of, “Awesome, let me know how that works out for you.”
It’s about making the choice to look past the possible negative results of your situations, and choosing to say, “Death doesn’t happen in my life, only life, and life abundantly.” ( John 10:10) And coming to the realization that by returning the attacks or responding in a negative way, you are actually hurting yourself and pushing yourself down into a negative mood and attitude. But by responding in a way that has no anger, hurt or resentment, not only do you set yourself up for a good day and a good mindset, but you also save the opposite party from more potential hurt and anger.

...to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. -Romans 8:6

This verse is a promise. When you are spiritually minded, you will have life and peace!
To be spiritually minded is simply this: to keep your mind on Jesus. Jesus IS life and peace, He is joy and love. So, to keeping your mind on Him will also keep your mind on those things.

I personally came to the realization of just how awesome ‘perfect peace’ is a couple days ago. I had just gotten back from town, and I stepped out of the truck and was walking towards the house, when I turned around and just stood in the driveway for a couple seconds and just closed my eyes and smiled. And the funny thing was, it was a cold, cloudy and windy day. It was threatening to rain or snow, and the day was simply gloomy. But I was filled with such peace and joy, that I didn’t even notice until a bit later when someone mentioned it.
I was hit with the fact that I have perfect peace, in whatever situation I’m in!
Talking with a friend a while later, I realized that this past week actually hadn’t been the easiest week. It had been busy, a bit hectic at times, and filled with the normal crazy life that we life :D But honestly looking back, I couldn’t remember anything but peace. I had absolutely no anxiety or worry about any of the situations.
Why?
Because I know God, and I know that when He makes me a promise, it becomes mine. It’s more than just ‘trusting’ Him to fulfill His promise, more than simply ‘having faith’ that He’ll come through. It’s knowing that I’m in a relationship with Him, and so what He is and has, becomes mine, and in that, I also become life and peace.

You will keep him in perfect peace, who’s mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3

Am I saying it’s easy?
Sure.
It’s really not as hard as you want to think it is.
But it requires you to make a choice. This is where you have to step past the ‘lukewarm’ stage and set yourself on fire. It’s no one’s choice but yours.
Make sure that the driving force behind your decisions is out of love, and out of relationship with Jesus. Never do something out of a feeling of ‘duty’ or that you ‘have to do something’.
That mindset of ‘duty’ is a ‘slave/master’ relationship. So if I can stress anything as a starting point, it’s this: Make sure you’re in a relationship, not in a ‘slave-ship’. (John 15:15)
And simply, have fun with it, and see how much happier your day to day life becomes!

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13

* When I talk about thinking and speaking ‘life’. To me, ‘life’ is this -> Whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things. - Phil. 4:8
** This article is written under the assumption that you want to go beyond the ‘normal’ life and push yourself. I would highly recommend reading the identity articles that have been written if you haven’t read those already. This entire process that I have written about becomes a lot easier if you already know who you are. Here is an article that will help you a lot in that area. : The Root of Most Problems by Brandon Lee
*** As humans we have emotions, but as new creations in Christ, we are not ruled by our emotions. We now exercise authority over them, and have the choice to only subject ourselves to positive emotions. ( I’ll write more on this later.)

What god do you serve?

2011-03-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

James 1:13 - Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.

The definition of tempt in this verse:
Tempt: 1) of God: to inflict evils upon one in order to prove his character and the steadfastness
of his faith

2) men are said to tempt God by exhibitions of distrust, as though they wished to try
whether he is not justly distrusted

3) by impious or wicked conduct to test God's justice and patience, and to challenge
him, as it were to give proof of his perfections.

It says VERY clearly stated here that God will not tempt (inflict evil upon one in order to prove his character....) anyone with anything that could ever tempt us to doubt, question Him, question ourselves, or anything like that.
God is a good God. The Bible is extremely clear.
Pain, suffering, storms, disasters, etc. Are NOT from God. Read the verse and definition multiple times if you have to.

James 1:16-17: Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down
from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting
shadow.

God cannot be both dark and light, death and life.
Make up your mind what god you serve.

Practical Identity

2011-02-27T14:06:00.001-08:00

The past few months, I have come to the simple conclusion that every problem begins as an identity problem. So much so, that when people come to me looking for an answer to their problems, my first question is usually, “Who do you think you are?” Because if you don’t know the answer to your own problem, then chances are you’ve probably lost sight of who you are.

The greatest people in the world all had to reach a place where they said, “It doesn’t matter where I’ve come from, where I live or who my parents are. I only know one thing, I’m going to change the world!”
These are the few people who not only made up their mind to be great, but also put their passion, into action, and began changing people’s mindsets, rules, and in ways, the world.

I’m not going to write a long article on how you can self-motivate yourself, or muster up will power. What I’m saying, is that somehow, you need to become so sure of your identity, that you become like Jesus when he looked at those two blind men in Matt 20:31-34 and said, “What do you want me to do for you?”
And when they asked for their sight, he replied with, “I can do that for you.”

“Hey Jesus, what do you want me to do?”
“I want you to heal the sick, raise the dead, give life to the lifeless, become friends with the people who are drunk on the sides of the street, talk to the person who is sitting in the corner of the cafe by themselves... change the world. What do you say?”
“Yes. I can do that.”

Be shameless in your identity and in the confidence to do what Jesus asked of you. Know who you are, and don't be afraid of it.

In Matthew 5:14 it says, “You are the light of the world, a city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp-stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.”

Ok. Just the fact that we are called lights, and a city on a hill, means that someone is proud of who we are.
Lights were not made to be ashamed of themselves. Cities were not made to made to think they are weak. They're made to be confident. Knowing that they are the ones that make places brighter and bring shelter.
Lacking confidence and hiding yourself, defeats the purpose of being the light. You gotta let it SHINE! :D

I remember watching a movie about a girl who wanted to be a dancer. While dancing, she fell and became frustrated with her seeming lack of ability to dance. When her instructor asked her what was wrong, she replied “I can’t do this, I’m making a fool of myself!”
The instructor said, “No! you can do this!”
“Why?”
Because you’re a dancer baby, that’s what you do, that's who you are!”
The girl went on to win a competition and be amazing, of course, but the point is she realized who she was, became confidant in that, and it led to the ultimate win.

So if you’re thinking, “I can’t talk to people, or heal people! I’ll make a fool out of myself!”
Then I would say, “NO! You’re a world changer baby, that's what you do, that's who you are!”

A few earlier articles I wrote on Identity : Re-root Your Identity
Not Guilty Anymore (Song by Aaron Keyes)
Living As A Spirit

Other posts on Identity, written by my friends: Dealing With Pride and Worth Issues
The Root of Most Problems
Who Are You?
Of Passion, Identity, and Freedom

Happy Valentines Day

2011-02-14T10:53:00.001-08:00

Exactly a year ago today, I drove into San Jose, California...and my whole life changed. I made the best friends of my life, went through some of the hardest times, and the best times, of my life. Valentines Day for me is one of the best days ever, regardless of the fact that I'm single, because it marks the day when I made one of the best decisions of my life. The decision to leave my old life behind, and start over.

Thinking back now, I'm almost in awe of all that has happened in this past year. I never thought that that much could fit into such a time period. More happened in one year, then in the past 5 years.

In one year, I gained more close friends, then I did in my entire life before. I made a new family, discovered who I was... discovered what I was alive for and what I wanted to do with my life.
Regardless of all the hard things that happened over this past year, and all the times that I thought I wouldn't be able to make it...looking back, once again, it's the good things that stand out. The fact that, even when I was in the worst times, I had people in my life who would force me to stand back up again, and back me up, condemnation free :D

I have no way to describe how much this past year has changed my life, or words to say how much I care about the people that I have spent it with.

So, to all my friends, I love you guys.
To my CA family, I miss you people, you guys changed my life...and I'm excited to be part of changing the world with you guys, and seeing you peeps again in a few months! :D

Happy Valentines day everybody. :)

<3

SueEllen

Short Update

2011-02-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

Update on my life:

So I've been in Montana for around a month and a half, and I haven't really done that many updates since I've gotten here, so I thought I'd do a quick one.

Since I've gotten here, I've gotten involved in a couple things, and thankfully the main things I'm passionate about.

I finally got a girls group started, and although it isn't very big yet at all, I have been meeting with girls one on one, which has been awesome as well, getting to know old friends and meeting new ones and making a difference in girl's lives. I'll do a update on that separately before too long.

I've become a part of the youth group here. The actual youth leaders left for a month or so in India, so I've been hanging out with the kids quite a bit, and helping out with the worship team...been fun to get to know the kids and talk with them and change their views as well.

My main life has been just building relationships and discipling people, instead of doing hit and runs again. Since I'm only here for a few months, my vision is to leave behind people who can disciple other people and change the town for good, instead of attempting to impact everything myself, and possibly leaving behind no disciples.

So, I'm figuring out a lot of things about myself, discipleship and life that I wish I would have figured out before, but at least I'm learning :D It's definitely different not working with a clear team, or even having a group of people that I'm constantly around and doing things with, since a lot of the kids that I am friends with are either in highschool or off in college. But I know I am where I'm supposed to be for now, and so it's a good thing.

I know this is a really short, condensed update, but everything happening in my life right now is so new even for me, that I really don't even know how to write about, or explain it all. But if you have any questions or want to know specific things, just ask me haha.

I'll post a longer/clearer update soon.

-SueEllen

The Basics - New Covenant

2011-01-24T13:10:00.000-08:00

It's a common mistake that people talk about the New Testament and the Old Testament as if they are the old and new Covenant. This is not the case. These are simply accounts of before Jesus died (Old Testament) and after He died ( New Testament)
Often I speak about Old and New covenant, and people get offended because they think I am annulling the Old Testament.

If that were true, I would be forced to annul all the wisdom and good stuff in books such as Isaiah, Proverbs, Psalms, and many others. So let me get that cleared up right away. The Testaments and the Covenants are completely separate things.

I will be talking about the Covenants in this post, NOT the Testaments.
___________________________________________________

...on one hand there is an annulling of the former commandment because of it's weakness and unprofitableness, for the law made nothing perfect; on the other hand there is the bringing of a better hope, through which we draw near to God. (Heb 7:18-19)
...by so much more Jesus has become a surety of a better covenant (Heb 7:22)

Old Covenant was defined by bloodshed. The people and the priests made continuous sacrifices to gain good standing with God.
The New Covenant starts out with one major bloodshed, one sacrifice. Jesus.
Jesus died on the cross, becoming the greatest sacrifice, and releasing us from the need to ever sacrifice again.
He did this once FOR EVERYBODY (Heb 7:27)

In Jeremiah it says:
Behold the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah, not according to the covenant I made with their fathers...
This is the covenant that I will make...in those days...
I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they will be My people. No more shall every man teach his neighbor and every man his brother, saying 'Know the Lord,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the Lord. For I will forgive them their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more." (Jer 31:31-34)

And in Hebrews 8:7-13 we find this scripture clearly fulfilled, at the end of which he says:
'in that He says, "A new covenant," He has made the first obsolete, now what is becoming obsolete and growing old is ready to vanish away. (Heb 8:13)
It makes it very clear that the old covenant is no longer what we live by, it is finished and replaced by something much better, one which is centered around redemption and relationship.

Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His (Jesus's) own blood, He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption....for if the blood of bulls...sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, how much more shall the blood of Christ...cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve a living God? (Heb 9:12-14)
In this verse not only does he clearly state the old way of sacrificing is not just no longer good enough, it's dead works trying to serve a living God.

You might be thinking that no one sacrifices animals anymore.
It wasn't just the sacrificing of animals, it was the mindset behind it that indicated you have to sacrifice on a continuous basis in order to have some means of redemption, which is something that is still practiced in our modern churches in the form of some alter calls, tithes and events.
The intent of the new covenant was to rid us of the mindset of continually having to sacrifice to gain redemption and a clean conscience.

Thankfully, there is good news. Our sins have been paid for once and for all when Jesus died for us.

David got it right when he wrote:
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire;
My ears you have opened,
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.
Then I said, "Behold I come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me, I delight to do your will O my God, and your law is within my heart.
I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness in the great assembly;
Indeed I do not restrain my lips...
I have hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your loving kindness and Your truth... (Psalm 40:6-10)

David was a man in the old covenant, who is said to be a 'man after God's own heart,' so it shouldn't be a surprise that he understood that sacrifices weren't what God wanted, and the goodness of God mattered a lot more than the sin offerings.

Jesus became the remission of sin, and so there is no longer an offering for sin (Heb 10:18)
In fact, it says a bit earlier in verse 3, that sacrifices are reminder of sins...
When we try and do our own sacrifices to annul our sins, we are discrediting God's final and complete sacrifice on the cross, which redeemed us and gave us access to a relationship and son-ship... in order to try and do it our self, therefore giving us some kind of feeling of control over our 'desire to fulfill our flesh.'
The thought that it's all already done is scary for some people, because it indicates that they can no longer be in control of how much they can sin. It makes it an 'all or nothing' instead of a 'if I sin big I'll sacrifice big.'

Moral of the story: The New Covenant is good news for you! It's not a gun against your head, it's an invitation to freedom and the gift of redemption.

Q. What IS required of us.
A. ...present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:1-2)

Q. How do we renew our minds?
A. ...whatsoever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report...if there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
Whatever you think about the most, and spend your time going after, that is what your mind will be focused on. Be constantly renewing your mind with scripture, the words of God, and the actions of His life.

Q. What will this cost me?
A. Everything that you're not supposed to be. Nothing that is worth anything.

Whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in Him...by this we know that we are in Him, he who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk just as he walked. (1 John 2:5-6)

Embrace the struggle, or be who you are and win?

2011-01-21T19:52:00.001-08:00

Walking through the "religious" section of Borders today, I noticed how so many of the book titles focused on how to work with the lies of the devil instead of defeating them, and proving the truth.

There were titles such as, "Embrace the Struggle", "Seven things that steal your Joy," "The art of Dying"... among many more that sounded equally painful. ( Granted, I haven't read these books, and for all I know, they could be good.)

But the over all 'feel' of the religious book section, was one of struggle, of 'being a Christian is the hardest thing ever, and we need as much help as we can.'
It seems like this is such a common thing that I hear, over and over. How many of you have heard phrases that sound like the following?

"This Christian life is such a battle, day to day, it's almost like I can't keep my head above water."
"I just feel like the devil has been beating away at me, and God just seems so far away right now..."

Sadly, this is how a lot of Christians feel. And people write book after book to try and teach people ways to cope with attacks and emotions, instead of teaching them that they have the power to take authority over these.

After walking through this book section in Borders, I decided to simply talk to some people, and see if I could help them out... so I walked up to the counter to pay for the couple items I had picked up, and the cashier was a young lady. I noticed she looked kind of stressed and worn out. There was no one behind me in line, so I simply asked her if she was satisfied with her life... here is a little bit of the conversation that followed:

Me: *paying for my stuff*, "Hey, by the way, this might sound a little weird, but are you satisfied with your life right now?"
Cashier: "Why do you ask that?"
Me: "...Would you say that you are happy with where you're at?"
Cashier: "Not really I guess...I'm not really in a good place with my life right now."
Me: "What would you say if I told you that I have the answer that you're looking for?"
Cashier: *laughs* "I doubt you have that."
Me: "No I do, really."
Cashier: "Okay then, what is it?"
Me: "Jesus."
Cashier: "Yeah I've heard that one before."
Me: "This time it's different, I won't give you religion, I promise."
Cashier: "So what are you going to give me then?"
Me: *shrug* "Hope, freedom, an end to the emotional roller-coaster."
Cashier: "I used to be a Christian, I really don't want to go down that road again."
( I ended up asking her if she had a little bit of time to talk, and she took her work break and we sat down for a coffee at the Starbucks that was in their store...)
Me: "So you said you used to be a Christian, what happened?"

Cashier: "All my life, all I heard and experienced, was that the Christian life is a struggle and a fight to hold our heads above water and always running away from the devil. I think I'm just as happy without Him (God), and still have the same amount of control over my life, if not more."

Me: "The reason that most Christians feel this way, is because they don't know who God is. God is completely the opposite of powerless. Why do you think Jesus died on the cross?"
Cashier: " I don't know...to save me of my sins?"

Me: (paraphrased/condensed a bit) "When Jesus died on the cross, He didn't just 'save you from your sins'. He defeated death, and gave us the power to do the same (Romans 6:4-11) He already saved us from our sins, so we are free, we just have to walk in it...(Colossians 1:13-14)...you were created to be free, in love with God, in love with people and alive! Jesus came so that you could have life, (John 10:10) not so you could limp your way through your day just trying to keep your head above water. You are amazing, and because God created you, he created you capable of doing anything and being a conqueror in everything you do...(Romans 8:37).

There was more to our conversation, she had a 15-20 minute break at the time, so we talked for the whole break, and I just told her a bit about her authority, and gave her resources and stuff...I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I wanted, but by the end, her face looked alive again, because she was starting to understand who she was, and who she could be.
But oh! It was then that I really realized just how much this powerless theology that most churches preach, is killing people, and all we really have to do is equip them with the tools, and be willing to spend some time with them.

This was one of my favorite moments the past week, because I actually got to sit down and have an extended conversation with a stranger, explaining what no 'Christian' has ever explained to her before, the fact that she has enough power to take authority over her own emotions and the attacks of the devil.

If nothing else this week, show someone the authority that they have...
Or realize it in yourself.
I'm planning on writing some posts on identity and related things, but until then, here are some posts written lately, that will rock your socks, and show you who you are. Have fun!

The Root of Most Problems by iamaspirit(Brandon)
What the Devil doesn't want you to know about yourself
and How to over come sin (Both by Daniel from SaintsNotSinners)

Check out the resources page to get more if you'd like...

Peace,
-SueEllen

"When we don't realize who we are in Christ, our faith will be crippled. If you don't feel worthy to exercise your authority in Christ, then you won't be doing it in the fullness of faith and will lack assurance. Satan works diligently to program people's minds to feel unworthy and unable to walk in power of God here on earth. This is one of the most popular strongholds in existence today in the body of Christ! The truth is that we, by our own power and effort, are unworthy, but it is the Blood of Christ that makes us worthy. And if we say we are unworthy when the Blood says we are, then we are denying the work that Christ did for us on the cross!" (fromGreat Bible Study.com)

Re-root your Identity

2011-01-18T10:46:00.000-08:00

There is nothing worse than a Christian whose identity is still rooted in the person they buried…

I was talking to a friend today and I told him that I had been dealing with some emotional stuff/lies from the devil… He reminded me how the devil will often use your past to try and trip you up…(we still win all the time)

So..I started thinking about it, and the more I did, the more ridiculous the situation seemed. No wonder I was feeling the effects of confusion…the devil was trying to condemn me, using the past/deeds of a person who was long dead and buried. He wasn’t even talking about me!

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, [fn] that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. - (Romans 6:6-7)

So, all I had to do was re-realize who I was…(amazing, royalty, daugther of God etc.) And I was set free from the stupid tactic that the devil was trying to pull!

It all comes back to identity…soldiers don’t win battles by believing that they are weak couch potatoes… They win because they believe that they are soldiers and are meant to fight!

The devil wants you to think you’re fighting yourself, so if he can get you to where you’re constantly trying to ‘beat your flesh’, then he’s simply getting you to resurrect, and rekill, your old self, which is dead already.

“A dog chasing it’s tail will get nowhere…a Christian beating his old self will only get bruises and a low self-esteem”

So, I challenge you…get out a piece of paper, write down who you are… ( remember you are only positive things… ie. royalty, daughter/son of God, amazing, talented…etc) and then tape that where you can see it…let it become who you KNOW you are, instead of who you think you are.
And that way, when you get stupid little thoughts in your head about how you’re worthless…slap that stupid demon in the face and tell it who you are. Cause you’re royalty, and you don’t have to deal with the devil. You’re in the family of God now…we don’t hang with that kind anymore! :D

Adventure and Thorns

2011-01-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

When I was young, there was a section of woods at our home in New York that I hadn't explored yet, so I decided to go at it alone...I found a beautiful section with crab apple trees and blackberry bushes. I decided to pick some blackberries and make a 'home' by the apple trees.

Somewhere in the process of picking the berries, a poisonous thorn made it's way into my thumb. Almost immediantly, my thumb started swelling up, and pain began shooting up my hand.

My first instinct as a little girl, was to start crying and run back to the house where mom was, so that she could pick out the thorn and make it 'all better', however, as I began my trek back to the house with tears streaming down my face, I realized it was further away than I had initially thought, and the pain was definitely getting worse instead of getting better.

So I stopped for a second and inspected my thumb, which was almost twice the normal size by now. Now that I actually looked at the thorn, it was pretty large, and would be quite easy to simply pull out of my thumb. So, I braced myself, and...with one easy pull, pulled the thorn out of my thumb.

The swelling instantly started going down, and the pain immediantly lessened!
Why?

Because I removed the origin of the poison. (!)

Ahah!
Now THIS is a lesson that should be learned by every christian on the planet!

P.S. I had no idea what kind of thorn it was, or where it came from...I just knew it was poisonous, and I wanted it out.

Moral of the story is: As a christian, you have the power to resist the devil and he WILL flee from you! (James 4:7) You shouldn't have to run to another person every single time and get 'ministry' or attention for something that you can easily do yourself.

I once heard it said like this... "You're in a battle, you'll get shot or hurt. When it happens, you don't get a chance to stand there and be confused about what happened, or get in a circle and discuss the wound.. no, you keep on fighting!"

YOU have the power to remove the poison, win the battle and stand victorious, ALL THE TIME.

(not saying ministry and people aren't good, I'm just reminding you that you yourself have the power to remove the little arrows the the enemy shoots at you.)

Truth!

2010-12-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

"...that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head, Christ." - Ephesians 4:14-15

I am realizing just how important truth is now. I've gone to so many churches, where the message preached out of the pulpit was sculpted and molded to fit the "needs" of the church, and to make people feel happy and emotional for the whole of the two hours that they spent inside of the church building each week.

"Once you know the truth, then everything besides that sounds pretty ridiculous..."

For me, there is no longer a question of the simple fact that "God is good ALL the time, the devil is bad ALL the time..." So when I hear anything that contradicts that, as in when people say that God allows sickness, or that bad things happen to good people to teach them a lesson from God, then my brain shuts it out because in my mind and heart, it sounds ridiculous.

And yet simple lies like that one, are keeping millions of people in bondage! And so the simpleness of the statement, "The truth will set you free..." has become a huge pillar in my life, as I find that a lot of times, the only thing that people will really remember, is the truth that I so intensely and unquestionably believe in.

So, how do we 'know' or 'find' the truth. Simple!

And then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free...( and then later on...) (John 8:32)

"...When He, the Spirit of truth has come, He will guide you into all truth.... John 16:13

So, what do you need? You need a Bible, the Holy Spirit, and the will power to actually devote yourself to learning and putting into action what you learn.

Memorizing scripture is a simple way to 'abide' in God's word. Study it, memorize it...love it! And if you're worried that you won't understand it, then stop worrying! Thats what the Holy Spirit is for...He will guide you into ALL truth! So all you have to do is forget everything you've been taught, and let the God, the Bible and the Holy Spirit teach you what you need to know.

Don't use the excuse, "I go to church...." to put off actually doing stuff. Church is two hours out of your entire week...if thats all you do, then you're sorely missing the entire point.

Be a rebel! Question what you quietly accept as the model lifestyle for modern day christians...live as Jesus did, and actually DO something!!

Have fun with it!!!

"Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart..." - Proverbs 3:3

Four Months

2010-12-23T22:05:00.000-08:00

The other night I walked through the tiny town of Eureka MT with my little sister...remembering old times and memories. So many memories. I think I have a memory in every spot in this town, something that happens when you live in one place for your whole life.

One thing though, my whole life changed.

The past year in CA changed my whole perspective, the way I see everything, the way I live, the way I speak the way I think...

I walked up the road and I remembered something that was told to me before I left California. "SueEllen, if you go back there with no goals and no vision, then you'll die."

Walking up main street in the darkness...I knew they were right.

"I have to get vision. I have to make goals."

That night I determined in my heart, I'm going to get passionate for this town, for these people and for the life thats here.

For years, this town has stayed the same.

Parents grow up here, have kids, their kids grow up doing the same thing they did, marry, have kids and their kids grow up doing the same thing...and over and over again...

But what if they had hope?

I have four months.

I've already begun to set my passion into action by creating a vision and acting on it. So all that remains is not backing down, not giving up...the only way is forward, and thats the only option for me.

I'm going to find people who aren't afraid to change the world.

I already have my family...maybe thats all I need, I don't know...but I'll do it with only them if I have to...I'll do it with only me if I have to...but where passion, vision and action are combined with truth...people will follow.

Treasure Hunting...

2010-12-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Habukkuk 2:2 "Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it.

That he may run...that reads it...

That he may run...

Wait, it doesn't say write a long book, and then sit back and wait for the world to save itself.

It says, write it, make it plain, and run...

Ok..

I finally got this.
Well, I'm working on getting it...haha.

About two or three weeks ago, I was thinking over my life, a little frustrated that I wasn't seeing as much as I wanted to, and the words of my brother popped into my head... "Get rid of anything that keeps you from the vision, that keeps you from running after God."

Right, like thats actually completely going to happen ( I thought to myself )

And then I started thinking, "Wait, why shouldn't it happen?"

What do I have to do in my life, to see this happen?

I'm always saying, "There's got to be more..." So if there really is something more, than why shouldn't I be the one who finds it? I can listen to someone tell me how they found a whole cave of treasure, or I can go to the cave, walk inside, and find it for myself...

"My son, if you receive my words and treasure my commands within you, So that you incline your ear to wisdom, And apply your heart to understanding; Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, And find the knowledge of God.......Then you will understand righteousness and justice, Equity and every good path." - --- -Proverbs 2:1-9

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it. - Matthew 13:44-46

I was talking to one of my housemates the other day, well, more like complaining about how I wasn't getting anything anymore, like I felt I was looking for something that I couldn't find, and I was frustrated that I couldn't get to the "more"...whatever that was...

His reply was simple, "You're not looking hard enough."

My reply was defensive and frustrated, "What do you mean I'm not looking hard enough? I've been reading and searching, and I can't find it!"

"What are you looking for?"

"I don't know, I just know there's more."

"Just read the Bible and find Jesus in it..."

I realized he was right, and stepped back to look at the situation again...I started reading the Bible, without the lens of "I have to find something, right now, to satisfy my need for more..." to the lens of "I just want to know more about Jesus, more about how He lived His life, to know what he knew and to find what he had in his grasp..."

And then I was captivated.

There is treasure there, and I'm going to find it.

There are treasure hunters all across the world...Theres the ones that get out the metal detectors and roam the beaches hoping to find a bit of treasure that people missed the last time around, there's the treasure hunters that go diving in the shallow beaches, hoping no one has dived there before...

And then there's the treasure hunters who give their lives to finding the treasure that no one has dared to go after...the ones that sell their houses to buy a boat and the right clothes and equipment and set out to sea, or some lost island, always knowing that there's the big load of treasure out there, driven to find it...

And it's always those people that actually find the treasure.

I cannot take a itty bitty miscroscope and search the sand to try to find a teeny treasure...

It's time to buy the boat, buy some hiking shoes, and go after the big one...

So, I'll let you know how that works out for me :)

As a Child....

2010-11-18T18:52:00.001-08:00

It’s been a while since I’ve written a new blog, so I thought it’s high time I do. ( so here's a short blog :)

I have been babysitting two young children for the past few days, and will babysit them for a total of 8 days. Even in the past few days I have learned a lot, not only about children, but about myself and God
All this ‘being around children’ made me look up some verses about kids in the Bible… and so that’s where this blog came from…

Mark 10:15 Assuredly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.

(Side note: When it talks about the “Kingdom of God” in this verse, the word used for Kingdom is:

Basileia: 1) royal power, kingship, dominion, rule
a) not to be confused with an actual kingdom but rather the right or authority to rule over a kingdom
b) of the royal power of Jesus as the triumphant Messiah
c) of the royal power and dignity conferred on Christians in the Messiah's kingdom)

I took the two kids for a walk the other day on this really nice nature walking trail, we ran into around 6 or 7 people. Every person that we met on the trail would get an enthusiastic “Hello!” from the oldest, Josiah who is 3 years old. One man that we met was running with a dog, he slowed down and said hello to the kids. Josiah said “Hi! I love your dog and I love you!” The man laughed, talked to Josiah for a bit, and then kept on running. Every person we met, was given the same kind of treatment from Josiah. “Hello! I love you!”
I had to laugh, but it was giving me an insight into what the verse in Mark 10:15 actually meant. We are given a royal power, a kingship, and yet we abuse it and the people in the kingdom so much. How many times have we met up with people and completely dismissed them because we didn’t feel like talking to them? What we’re actually supposed to do is meet every person with the attitude of, “Hi! I love you!”

Matthew 18:1-4 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying “Who then is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?

Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said,” Assuredly I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Mark 9:36, Luke 9:48, Luke 18:16-17)

As a child, you have no inhibitions, no hatred for people. You love everyone and you show it

But then again, as I have noticed, a child is very emotional, so we cannot simply say, “I will be as a child,” and then use that as an excuse for every dumb thing we do and the mistakes we make.

There is also the aspect of the verse in 1 Cor. 13:11 (When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.)
As a child, our main object is love. We want love from people, and we want to give love. As an ‘adult’, this should still be our main object ( to love people ) but with far more maturity.
There is responsibility that is not there in childhood. Thinking as a child lets you think only of yourself, what your next meal is going to be, how high your comfort level is, who’s going to pick you up when you fall, etc.
As a ‘grown-up’, our viewpoint changes. We now have to think of others, we can no longer worry about ourselves, our comfort is thrown out the window, and we are the ones who pick others up, dust them off, and set them free. Our entire viewpoint changes (or should).

1 Cor. 13:13 (And now abide in faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. )

I think the aspect of being as a child comes down to one main thing…love. To be able to love without blinders in our eyes. To forgive simply, quickly, and easily. To not hold a grudge, and always be willing to give second chances.